A sinister outlook of the world

 I've recently realized my misguided perception of the world. 

As a child I've always had people who helped me. I've had gentle elementary school teachers. Cheery middle school teachers who gave me the occasional light scolding. In highschool the teachers were quite scary especially if deadlines weren't met. And right now in University academic concessions can be given under extraordinary circumstances, professors are strict and deadlines must be met but still nobody possesses malice or the desire to fuck you over. Sure there's the occasional fight for a girl but the things stated previously don't exist because of little conflict in interest.

And the sympathy is greater in this little play pen of society we call the education system. You have the centre for assisted learning that give accommodations to special students. If you say "I have adhd, depression and societal anxiety" (which I do have by the way, unironically. I can go on about how living with adhd harms my ability to learn but you don't give a shit) you'd be met with sympathetic nods and a more forgiving attitude to your failures. But out in the real world,  it is an unforgiving place devoid of any support and comradery. 

I failed to defend my mother against Jail time. I had a chance to reduce it down to a fine. I will proclaim her innocence on this matter forever, but I failed. That night I could only think of the many ways the plaintiff's lawyer fucked me over. How my internet connection was too slow to download the precedent he sent me at the end of intermission, the precedent he used to make a case for Jail time. I thought of the many responses I should've made as I rolled in bed. I wanted to disappear, to leave all these problems behind. I wanted to stay under the blankets and cry for eternity. But really, nobody can do anything about it. 

You realize that there are still people out there who will happily prey on the remnants of your mother's leftover fortune.  If you don't fight on, everything will be lost. In that epiphany I've realized how unforgiving this world can be.

Nobody gives a shit that you're mentally stressed or that you have adhd + depression + anxiety. Nobody gives a shit that you're beyond exhausted. When you've done something that cripples you, pick yourself up and do the next. That's the reality.